Student Newspaper at Michigan Tech University since 1921

Published Weekly on Tuesdays Office Located in Walker 105

Lewd special satirical article: Is The Dean a vampire?

The Lewd has recently uncovered a photo of a man from 1922 that looks eerily similar to the current Dean of Michigan Technological University. This photo was discovered by Dean’s Club archivist, Dean’s Club member #069, when scouring the Web for historical photos.

We were unable to find the name of the man in these photos, and the Dean refused to comment. This makes some Dean’s Club members, and Anti-Dean activists suspicious. We spoke to both groups to get an idea of what they thought.

Avid Dean’s Club member #004 said, “You know, even if this is The Dean, I will still be a member of the Dean’s Club. I love vampires and was an avid reader of Twilight when I was 14.”

However, another Dean’s Club member didn’t have such a positive view, “Wouldn’t this mean that The Dean has been lying to us this whole time? I don’t think I could handle such a betrayal. If he were a supernatural entity, he should have said so to begin with. I don’t know where my loyalty lies anymore. What is the meaning of life? Do I have a purpose? Does anyone?”

Anti-Dean activist George said, “I definitely wouldn’t doubt that The Dean is a vampire. I mean, anyone that can stand next to You Know Who and advocate for such a capitalist scam would have to have lost some of their humanity.” George’s comment echoed many other members of this movement as well as others who are part of neither group.

Whatever the case, the campus community wants answers. Who is this man? Was it The Dean in 1922, or was it simply a doppelganger? Hopefully, the future will bring answers.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *