Student Newspaper at Michigan Tech University since 1921

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Lewd special satirical article: Dean’s club goes wild

After we interviewed The Dean about his hobbies, we felt something was missing. Well, apparently so did The Dean’s Club. In a terrifying breach of privacy, they held a stakeout and  ransacked The Dean’s home. We became aware of this when we received a submission documenting The Dean’s guilty pleasures. We immediately reported this to the local police and they were arrested. However, their findings were too good not to publish. The primary finding is that The Dean loves catgirls. He had chests filled with old anime disks featuring catgirls, as well as manga with catgirls strewn on the covers. They even found cat girl figurines stored in a hidden compartment somehow. 

When staking out with their binoculars in their cars, in trees, and in bushes, they found that he loves to dance. No one would be home and suddenly members saw disco lights and dance moves! Upon seeing this sight, members were compelled to dance, almost giving themselves away.

We visited these members, now known as the Dean’s Jailbirds, in a local correctional facility in order to find out what their motivation was. “In a world social media is taking, over people’s lives and people rely more on machines more than ever, we just wanted to know the more human aspects of The Dean. Also, we wanted to confirm if the Dean was a Vampire.” They found no evidence to The Deans supernatural status.

More composed members of The Dean club have come to defense of the Dean. Member #065 said, “Don’t we all dance when no one is watching? And personally, I love cat girls! It shouldn’t be known as a guilty pleasure. Instead, we should be embracing these facts about ourselves!”

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