Things to do, now that you hate your life

hey+does+anyone+want+to+take+my+exams+for+me%3F+

mothmadi

hey does anyone want to take my exams for me?

mothmadi, piss editor

Searching for an activity to pass the time when you’re not questioning your existence during finals week? Look no further.

 

Free Activities

  • Wallow in self-pity
  • Ruminate
  • Practice origami with old copies of The Lewd
  • Walk into the portage
  • Sleep, but don’t sleep
  • Lose all sense of object permanence 
  • Gaslight
  • Gatekeep
  • Girlboss
  • Listen to Taylor Swift
  • Search for bigfoot
  • Dissociate
  • Borrow a City of Houghton/Hancock construction sign 
  • Cry
  • Do your homework
  • Don’t do your homework
  • Use a unpopular satire paper as kindling for your next campfire
  • Have an existential crisis (or two)
  • Live vicariously through someone else 
  • Feel something
  • Feel nothing
  • Sell someone else’s soul to the devil
  • Work on your fine motor skills
  • Discover a new COVID variant 
  • Vibe

 

Low Cost Activities

  • Overeat
  • Undereat
  • Eat
  • Get really into crystals
  • Go thrifting with your bestie
  • Buy and apply deodorant 
  • Get a mullet
  • Dye your hair
  • Dye your friend’s hair
  • Take out an ad in The Lode
  • BAJA BLAST
  • Put a few quarters in a parking meter and watch the time go by

 

High Cost Activities

  • Attend Michigan Tech
  • Pay my tuition (pls)
  • Liver transplant 
  • Get into a car accident waiting to cross the Lift Bridge 
  • Endure a lifetime of debt after one ER visit
  • Buy a non-student season pass to Mont Ripley
  • Purchase some insulin
  • Sell your soul to the devil

 

Activities for our 21+ Friends

  • Full send the margarita tower at La Cantina
  • Drown your sorrows in a glass of Red Ridge at the KBC 
  • Go to the club with Maia
  • Play beer pong in someone’s basement 
  • Have some guy buy your girlfriend a Long Island at the Dog
  • Become dazed and confused 

 

 

 

The Lewd is a biannual satirical project put together by The Lode staff, typically published the week before finals. It’s meant to help editors, writers, and photographers have fun and relieve stress. Opinions presented in these articles do not reflect The Lode values.