Disclaimer: This article is a part of The Lewd, an annual satirical project put together by The Lode staff, typically published around finals week. The article is purely for comedic purposes, and the opinions presented in these articles do not reflect The Lode’s values.
During the yearly building inspection the school holds every 12 years, the building inspection specialist, Whorge Walts, discovered a leak of carbon monoxide gas of “dastardly” proportions. When questioned further, Inspector Walts said “Usually when I walk into a room with that level of gas, everyone is dead on the floor.” He then remarked, “After seeing some of the decisions they made, maybe it would have been better that way.”
Administration plans on fixing the leak in late 2039, while in the meantime, they plan on relocating. As of right now the plan is to move administration into West McNair and to move the residents of West McNair into the Admin building. When asked about the move, McNair Housing Council President, Bill Clintoris, who was actively huffing the gas straight out of the leak said, “While some of my residents are a little concerned *sniiiiif* I don’t see this as a problem. In fact *sniiiiff* this has the potential to be very fortunate for us all.”
Administration plans on continuing with all of the “ridiculous” and “unconventional” decisions they have been making under the influence of the gas. Students who have an issue with this are encouraged to call the number (906) SUX-DICK.
