Disclaimer: This article is a part of The Lewd, an annual satirical project put together by The Lode staff, typically published around finals week. The article is purely for comedic purposes, and the opinions presented in these articles do not reflect The Lode’s values.
In response to DHH announcing that they’ll be converting their kitchen to a ‘ghost kitchen’, where food is made only for delivery, Wadsworth has announced that they would be converting their kitchen to be entirely operated by werewolves. “Werewolves are a sizable but underrepresented part of Tech’s student population,” said Chartwell spokesperson Eerie Owler. “We hope that by putting this change into effect, we can make this important portion of the student body all the more visible.”
The most significant change to come from this announcement will be the menu: going forward, the Wadsworth dining hall will only be serving raw meat with the skin and fur of the animal still intact. Students asked about the change have said it will be “a step up” from what the Wadsworth dining hall typically serves. Other students have raised concern about students who are vegetarian or have allergies. In response, Owler released a statement saying “Sucks to be you, go to McNair dining hall instead.”
In unrelated news, McNair has announced that their dining hall will become a ‘skeleton kitchen’ in the next year. “No, it’s not going to be operated by skeletons, that’s a really stupid idea. We’re just cutting 90% of our staff and operating with a skeleton crew because we want more money and we don’t want to pay people to work for us.”
