Disclaimer: This article is a part of The Lewd, a biannual satirical project put together by The Lode staff, typically published the week before finals. Opinions presented in these articles do not reflect The Lode values.
Streaking Club is one of the newest organizations on campus. According to USG, the Streaking Club doesn’t exist. Who has created this club? What were their intentions? The Lewd was able to secure an exclusive interview with the President of the club, who wishes to remain anonymous. The President met us off-campus and wore a paper bag over their head during the interview.
It’s 70 degrees outside today. Why are you dressed in snowpants, winter coat, boots, and gloves?
The streaking club is only as good as its anonymous members, so we need to stay that way. You can see under the gear during our next event. My masterpiece of a face will remain under a ski mask, though.
Do you ever have any trouble with the police?
Uh out of the 4 events we have had so far, the police have been at 2. They’re pretty slow, and most of our members were actually involved in track in high school, so the cops aren’t a problem.
When will your next event take place?
We never tell the public when our events will happen exactly, since we don’t want our organization to be compromised. Just know that a streaking event is confirmed before the end of the semester.
How do you communicate with members when the club is so secretive?
What would you tell students who want to join your club?
Leave your name, number, and school address on a sticky note in the first floor unisex bathroom in the library. We will reach out to you.