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Lewd special satirical article: The Lode TV? Experts don’t think so

Disclaimer: This article is a part of The Lewd, a biannual satirical project put together by The Lode staff, typically published the week before finals. Opinions presented in these articles do not reflect The Lode values.

An alleged internal document from the Michigan Tech school paper, The Lode, was leaked to the public after it was left on a printer in Fisher Hall early Wednesday morning. This document, which has yet to be verified, gives details plans for The Lode forming a TV program to be held in the same name. The document, while poorly written and almost illegible, seemed to detail the planned release of said news program early next year. The document specifies that the TV program will cover topics such as school events, sports, and the quality of dining hall food.

With no way to positively verify the source, we decided to ask Lode experts and insiders on what they thought about the documents. Richard Cumming, a steam tunnel dweller and intellectual gave his thoughts on the matter. “As someone who’s unable to read, I think the adoption of a visual format is a good idea. But I thought it was weird that they’re planning on distributing on VHS. Like, how am I supposed to watch that?”

While the prospect of a weekly video program has promise, some students may take issue with the content being created and topics discussed. The document seemed to stress the importance of showing MTU students being studious – a rare occurrence indeed. We asked online political activist Slan Derius what he thought about these revelations. “Say no to propaganda! We don’t want any more pro-education sentiments on this campus!” Derius said, “What ever happened to the good old days? College is for booze only. We have to stop the nerd agenda!”

This news has been floating around campus for only a day, and already the campus is abuzz with students’ thoughts on the document. Emotions range from confusion to excitement, but mostly lie in confusion. However, a source from inside The Lode who wishes to remain anonymous wanted to address the rumors and gave a statement concerning the TV program. “Let’s be honest, the average IQ of Lode members is barely high enough to create a coherent newspaper, much less film anything. And what would we even talk about? Drunkards at winter carnival? Yeah right.”

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