Lewd special satirical article: Weekly Schedule

oh well

Disclaimer: This article is a part of The Lewd, a biannual satirical project put together by The Lode staff, typically published the week before finals. Opinions presented in these articles do not reflect The Lode values.

The Lewd used an A.I. to generate a schedule for the average Tech student. Here is what it gave us:

 

A Tech Student’s Daily Schedual 

 

Monday

6 a.m. — Wake up

6 – 9 a.m. — Scroll Tik Tok

9 a.m. — Realizse I had a class at 8

9 – 9:15 a.m. — Panic

9:15 a.m. – 12 p.m. — Complain about homework

12 – 12:30 p.m. —  Buy overpriced coffee at the library

12:30 – 2:20 p.m. — Go to class

2 p.m. – 4 p.m. — Regret choice of major

4 p.m. – 5 p.m. — Dinner

5 – 8 p.m. — Homework

8 p.m. – 12 a.m. — Cry

Tuesday

8 a.m. — Wake up

8 – 9 a.m. — Scroll the Tech Discord

9 – 11 a.m. — Go to class

11 a.m. – 12 p.m. — Complain about dorm food

12 – 12:30 p.m. — Lunch at Wads

12:30 – 2 p.m. — Go to office hours

2 p.m. – 4 p.m. — Regret life choices

4 p.m. – 5 p.m. — Dinner

5 – 8 p.m. — Homework

8 p.m. – 12 a.m. — Cry

Wednesday

6 a.m. — Wake up

6 – 7 a.m. — Scroll Reddit

8 – 9 a.m. — Go to class

9:15 a.m. – 12 p.m. — Complain about weather

12 – 12:30 p.m. — “Lunch” at the DT

12:30 – 2:20 p.m. — Go to class

2 p.m. – 4 p.m. — Regret choice of major

4 p.m. – 5 p.m. — Dinner

5 – 8 p.m. — Homework

8 p.m. – 12 a.m. — Cry

Thursday

8 a.m. — Wake up

8 – 9 a.m. — Scroll Tik Tok

9 – 11 a.m. — Go to class

11 a.m. – 12 p.m. — Complain about exams

12 – 12:30 p.m. — Lunch at the MUB

12:30 – 2 p.m. — Scream from the rooftop of the MEEM

2 p.m. – 4 p.m. — Regret choice of major

4 p.m. – 5 p.m. — Dinner

5 – 8 p.m. — Write paper

8 p.m. – 12 a.m. — Cry

Friday

6 a.m. — Wake up

6 – 7 a.m. — Scroll Canvas

7 – 8 a.m. — Breakfast

8 – 9 a.m. — Skip class

9:15 a.m. – 12 p.m. — Solve the mystery of the wind harp

12 – 12:30 p.m. — Lunch at the MUB

12:30 – 2:20 p.m. — Skip class

2 p.m. – 2 a.m — Drink

Saturday

11 a.m. — Wake up

11 a.m. – 11:30 a.m.  — Regret previous night

11:30 – 12 — Test different hangover cures

12 – 1 p.m. — Try to stomach lunch

1 – 4 p.m. — Ski at Mont Ripley

4 – 5 p.m. — Dinner

5 p.m. – 1 a.m. — Drink

Sunday

10 a.m. — Wake up

10 – 10:15 a.m. — Regret last night, but slightly less this time

10:15 a.m. – 1 p.m. — Catch up on homework

1 – 2 p.m. —  Lunch

2 – 4 p.m. — Watch Youtube

4 – 5 p.m. — Dinner

5 – 7 p.m — Panic about classes starting tomorrow

7 p.m. – 12 a.m. — Cry