Disclaimer: This article is a part of The Lewd, an annual satirical project put together by The Lode staff, typically published around finals week. The article is purely for comedic purposes, and the opinions presented in these articles do not reflect The Lode’s values.
An inside source has leaked information to The Lewd that there may be something going on between beloved mascots Blizzard T. Husky, and Wildcat Willy. Our source, who chooses to remain anonymous, said that during that last NMU vs. MTU hockey game on Jan. 24, they saw Blizzard pinning Willy in a heated kiss outside the locker rooms prior to the game, before having to separate to rally their respective rival teams. Furthermore, our source claimed that there was a sort of “tension” on the rink that night. Even more scandalously, neither Blizzard nor Willy were seen after the game, even though they normally interact with fans after the games.
So we at The Lewd did our due diligence and did a deep dive on Blizzard’s secret love life. From eye witness accounts to an interview with Blizzard himself, I am here to tell you firsthand this is more than just a rumour. This is a deep love pit spanning multiple years, from heated rivals on the ice, to a happily married life!
According to Bill Muckalt, Head Coach for MTU men’s hockey, “This has been going on for years, and it is always up to administration and the current head coach to keep the rumors underwrap. It’s not uncommon for mascots to have occasional hookups, but it tends to be a big deal when you do it with your most hated rival. So we have all been bribed by the Pep Band to stay hush-hush about this, to avoid campus anarchy.”
Though it’s not just Willy that Blizzard has been intimate with. According to some onlookers during the Jan. 11, 2025 hockey game against LSSU, Blizzard was caught sharing furtive pecks with Seamore the Seaduck, LSSU’s mascot. An interview with Seamore revealed that, “I just wanted to see what all the hype was about, plus Blizz said what he had with Willy wasn’t exclusive or anything. Soo I don’t understand the cause for concern.” Blizzard had tried to keep the affair a secret from others but Willy eventually found out about the betrayal. According to Michigan Tech Public Safety, “It was Willy who set the garbage truck on fire behind DHH in a fit of anger last spring.” However, due to his irreplaceable status as a mascot, he was not held accountable, so as to not damage his reputation.
Instead, the courts ordered six mandated couples counseling sessions for both Willy and Blizzard to resolve their issues and focus on their relationship outside of the scandalous affair. While the public can not be made aware of what was said during this session due to HIPAA, we have been informed by the glorious Pep Band that the two are slowly making amends, after being truly honest about their feelings for one another, and a promise to be faithful going forward. Apparently, Blizzard had always loved Willy but the fear of being exclusive with his rival terrified him. He thought he could keep peace if he was seen doing stuff with other mascots aside from Willy, while still being able to truly love Willy on the side. However, he realized he can’t have both worlds, and feels deeply ashamed of hurting Willy like that. On a separate note, Blizzard is also taking solo therapy with the great Jim Grider to heal from his avoidant attachment style.
Finally, on a happier note, we have received special news from Blizzard himself. After resolving their issues, the two have decided to make their relationship permanent. They will marry this June. The dress code will be black tie, and WMTU will DJ. The happy couple will be writing their own vows. All MTU and NMU students, alumni, staff, and faculty are welcome to attend, the happy couple just asks we leave the hockey slander behind until next season!
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