Disclaimer: This article is a part of The Lewd, an annual satirical project put together by The Lode staff, typically published around finals week. The article is purely for comedic purposes, and the opinions presented in these articles do not reflect The Lode’s values.
OWWWWWW! Ouchie! Aughh! Ouch! Ow! Who put that fucking table there? Why is it so far away from the wall? What idiot did this??? Owwwwww… urgh… ouch… the pain… it hurts so much… urghhhhh………
Jesus fucking Christ, it hurts so much! I think my toe is turning purple! I can barely feel my foot! I think my entire leg needs to get amputated! Somebody call Adobe because I need urgent medical attention! NOW!!! Where is a doctor when you need them??? Who pushed that table out?? Why haven’t I ever felt the touch of a woman???? Why is the PAIN so EXCRUCIATING?????????
FUCK! I’m going to die… I can feel it… I’m dying… tell my family I love them! Even my mean cat who bite me! Ohhh… those cat bites hurt so much… it’s almost like I can feel them… oughhh… ouch…. FUCK!!!! Ouch!!
Holy SHIT! The absolute AGONY!!!! Oh my God it hurts so fucking bad oh my God help help help help help ouch ouch ouch ough help help help arrrrgghhhhh where’s the fucking Ibuprofen help me somebody please the pain is unbearable somebody get me a doctor I’m going to die I can’t believe I’m going to die without ever getting to meet Michael Stipe holy fucking shit aughhhhhh.
Uurrrghghghghhhh….. unghghhghh… oouuuhhhgghhhhh…………. aw beans, I’m going to be late for Thermo. I’d better get to the MEEM before Dr. Ye slimes me out… ouchie.
