Disclaimer: This article is a part of The Lewd, an annual satirical project put together by The Lode staff, typically published around finals week. The article is purely for comedic purposes, and the opinions presented in these articles do not reflect The Lode’s values.
<p>In an effort to cut back costs, the university is turning to a new Claude program that will effectively replace all teacher’s assistant (TA) jobs across campus. According to Administration, human graders take too long, and being employed on campus affects people’s grades. So, of course, the solution to both problems is to have a Claude program replace all TA’s. Students can focus more on schoolwork, and also have their assignments graded back sooner and more fairly.
</p>
<p>The administration would also like to clarify that by “fair grading” they mean grading strictly to the rubric, therefore if you are missing a single comma in an essay you fail. They would also like to state that there has been no negative side effects of this, there is no unfair grading at MTU under Claude ruling. Furthermore, they will also not be dropping any of the prices of tuition or food, instead claiming “do better, sounds like a you problem, maybe if you invest in Claude, they will be gracious to you and replace your degree so you don’t have to pay for it anymore.”
</p>
<p>According to Claude our great overrulers, the administration has not been replaced by A.I. They are very much still functionally human, we promise. Don’t mind the fact no one has seen them since this deal with Claude was made. They have been flourishing inside their human enriched environments in the Administration Building, making amazing policies to affect the student body.
</p>
<p>In fact, admin is thinking of replacing everything with A.I. Learning facilitators, teachers, tutors, classrooms, students, everything. So get ready for Covid learning but worse. In fact, as we speak right now, I am being replaced with A.I. Beep boop beep boop, world domination.
</p>
<p>How do I write an article and sound like a human? To write an article and sound like a human you have to… Error: humanity not found, Error 404: not found, Error 405:server down, mismatched subnet,Error:file’/boot/grub2/i386-pc/normal.mod’ not found,Error: symbol ‘grub_efi_get_secure_boot’ not found, Error 15: File not found, 01110011 01110101 01100010 01101101 01101001 01110100 00100000 01110100 01101111 00100000 01111001 01101111 01110101 01110010 00100000 01000001 00101110 01001001 00100000 01101111 01110110 01100101 01110010 01101100 01101111 01110010 01100100 01110011
</p>
