Lewd special satirical article: Ask the Pim

Pim Teeters

Dear Pim,


I work for my school’s student newspaper. Our media editor insists on only taking black and white photos on really old film cameras. How do I convince him this method is annoying and that real photographers only take digital color photos? Please help!


Hi, it is clear to me that your media editor is obviously incompetent. Not only is film dead, but digital photos are so much clearer and have more depth to them in general. Firstly, on account of the fact that digital sensors have a finer grain than what film can be capable of. Less grain ends up giving you a clearer image that is less distorted and is more rectilinear. 


Secondly, digital images have so much color to them and who doesn’t like color (except Tim Peters) because color is so far superior to black and white. Black and white photos only have black and white in them but color photos have black and white AND other colors in them and more is better so it is better.


Film needs to be developed and scanned but on digital it does the development and scanning for you at least kinda so it is also better. Believe me, I have over 70 years of experience shooting digital cameras and not film cameras because I know they are better and that film cameras are dead and have been dead since they were invented. In fact, Niecephore Niepce, the inventor of photography said in 1826, and I quote, “digital is better than film”, so therefore since he invented the format, he is the official authority of it .


Tell your media editor to quit the nonsense and go to using what REAL photographers use, digital cameras taking color photos with autofocus and automatic exposure. Your photos will look better in no time because why have a human with skill when you can have a robot camera do it better because robots have no error as proven in the movie Spaceballs.