Disclaimer: This article is a part of The Lewd, a biannual satirical project put together by The Lode staff, typically published the week before finals. The article is purely for comedic purposes, and the opinions presented in these articles do not reflect The Lode’s values.
Transportation services has teamed up with public safety, accepting and embracing the Michigan Tech tradition of bar hopping with a new, easier mode of transportation. The bus, named “The Tipsy Trolley,” runs from 7 p.m. to 2:30 a.m. every Thursday through Saturday, and on Sundays after exams, breakups, or whenever the hockey team loses.
“Let’s be honest, y’all are doing it already,” said Will Barhöp, Director of Transportation Services. “We just figured if we smack a bus schedule on it, we get to call it a student perk.”
Transportation Services promises a “reliable, safe, and overall great time aboard The Tipsy Trolley.” The route runs between downtown bars, frat parties, and that one sketchy house on Agate Street that somehow always has jungle juice.
Con Crete, civil engineering undergrad, said, “I haven’t missed class all semester and now I’d be damned if I miss the brew bus.” On Friday, students tailgated in the MUB parking lot, waiting for this booze cruise to begin its first run.
The bus was decorated with tons of signs and drunken thoughts from the local parties. Some of the signs included, “Text your EX – She misses you bro,” and “Hydrate!!”
While this is still in the trial stages with the weekend’s success, future routes could be included during the week. Ideas like Wine Wednesday, the Thirsty Thursday loop, and Mission Marg Monday have found themselves on the desk of the Transportation Senate. This is Michigan Tech’s effort to help its students achieve their goal of drinking every day of the week.
Students must be at least 21 years of age, have a student ID, and pants or a pants substitute to ride. Admission costs a stick of deodorant and proof that you’ve done most of your homework. For more information, please contact Otto Beers at 800-645-5376.
