Halloween costumes for midwestern children are ruined once again. While the start of winter is not officially until the 21st of December, like jaywalking, this rule is seemingly overlooked by everyone, especially the weather. The late-October preview version of Winter is here, along with occasional snow, weather in the thirties, and Spider-Man trick-or-treating in a down jacket. It’s almost a midwestern right of passage to have your costume ruined by some necessary article of clothing to prevent hypothermia.
(Pro-tip: wear that jacket UNDER the costume, turn the jacketed look into a jacked look.)
I don’t hate winter by any means, but there are several aspects of it that I particularly do not enjoy. On top of this, there are a lot of things to forget about during the bliss of summer. It isn’t until that first triggering of a vehicle’s automatic-braking-system leading to a near miss that one really gets the winter experience. It can be a bit of a mental adjustment, so for my own good I will be working through some unique winter “experiences” to prepare for.
There is no such thing as traction in the winter. It doesn’t matter how nice your snow tires, chains, shoes, or mobiles are. You are lying to yourself if you think differently. It makes sense as to why fall is such a frolic-heavy month in this regard. To frolic in the winter is to wish for death. Cars slide around on the road, stairs are slippery, water turns to ROCK. Fall is safe. There are piles of leaves to cushion your fall, orchards of trees to provide food, patches of decorative gourds just waiting for you to take pictures in. Keep these things in mind as we enter the dark season, and always keep your gourd up (bad pun, let’s move on).
Once, no, if you make it inside, you still are not safe. The snow is trying to find its way in with the specific intent to hurt you. I’m talking about the constant pool of water tracked in from melting snow on boot bottoms. This section of floor, often surrounding the front door and shoe area of the home, is neither liquid nor solid. It is an amorphous danger zone to dry socks at best, and a slip hazard at worst. Alone, it can be mitigated as a threat. Paired with the glasses fog so often plaguing myself and my visually impaired friends, it can be devastating. This is something I am particularly not excited to experience yet again.
If these threats are acknowledged, winter can be safe, and even quite enjoyable. There’s nothing more beautiful than a winter morning and fresh snow in the Keweenaw. Cars slipping around on the road lets us play Fast & Furious and drift around corners. Water on the floors is a nice change of pace from spilled beer. Fogged glasses are still pretty lame but to be honest I mainly wear contacts anyway. Come to think of it, Spider-Man even wears a jacket sometimes in the comics too. I guess winter isn’t that bad, even if it does start in October.
