So Sven and Olie die and go to Hell. The Devil comes by to check on them and discovers that they’re having a great time, stretched out on towels bathing in the unholy glow of Hades.
Quite displeased at their seeming contentment, Satan approaches the two and asks them how they’re so comfortable.
Sven responds, “Oh ya, well back derr in Minnesota we don’t get too mucha da sun, you betcha, so we thought we’d check out this whole “tanning” whatsit.”
So Lucifer heads over to Hell’s thermostat and cranks it up, laughing at how those poor northerners will suffer the heat.
When he goes back to observe his handiwork, however, he finds the pair has set up a net and are playing beach volleyball along the River Styx.
Satan approaches them a second time and asks how their skin isn’t melting off in what is literaaly the fires of Hell.
Olie responds, “Oh ya, well after all dem long Minnesota winters, it’s just nice to let the heat soak in a little, eh?”
Furious, but inspired by this response, the Devil returns to Hell’s thermostat and cranks it all the way down. The fires extinguish, the lake of sulfur ices and Satan returns a final time to see the results of his plan.
He finds the duo in their full winter regalia whooping and hollering around a small TV set they’ve set up. In his full anger he turns to the two and demands to know what they’re so happy about.
To which they respond: “Oh, you won’t believe it. Hell froze over, and the Vikings won the Superbowl!”
Who said the Vikings were surprisingly competitive last week in the Reasonable Sports Opinion of the Week? This guy! Rand Silvers!
And guess who moved up to No. 1 on the NFL Power Rankings last week? The Minnesota Vikings! That’s right.
No, the Vikings haven’t won the Superbowl. But they are the only 5-0 team in the league, and that’s not nothing.
Over my life, being a Vikings fan has always been rough. Now I can actually feel good about my team. This is an exciting time for me, and all the closet Purple People out there.
