Disclaimer: This article is a part of The Lewd, a biannual satirical project put together by The Lode staff, typically published the week before finals. The article is purely for comedic purposes, and the opinions presented in these articles do not reflect The Lode’s values.
As MTU’s student population reaches upwards of 690% capacity, Tech admin is left scrambling for housing solutions. The administration was asked for their thoughts on the problem.
“At first we thought that we could just cram them all into the dorms, you know, standing room only style,” one member of the housing administration said. “But then they just kept coming. They won’t stop, and they’ve unexpectedly not dropped out yet.”
“After that, we thought about building more residential buildings, but we can’t build fast enough to keep up with demand! So we started to buy out the local landlords and using those properties, and that worked for a while, but then those filled up! – It’s an unending flood of students that MUST be housed!”
The administration is now providing tents for students to use. They suggest that students take up residence either on campus lawns or under the lift bridge. There have also been tents filling up the slopes of Mont. Ripley. The University is fine with this; however, lift tickets will not be provided, but even those are starting to run out. “We’re considering reopening the local mining operations just so that there are more places to put students. But for now, please, for the love of god. If you own a car, PLEASE sleep in it!” The administrator desperately begged.
Standard fares and fees will still apply to all on-campus parking. The overnight parking ban, from Nov. 1 to Apr. 30, will not be altered to accommodate this change.
