Over the years we have had many names for our largest building. The ME-EM and the MAE building had their time, but now a generous donation has changed the name yet again. President Koubek and the rest of the Michigan Tech administration have announced the partnership that is making this possible.
A man by the name of Dick B. Koobeck, a retired mechanical engineer from Michigan Tech, is responsible for this new change. Koobeck made his fortune similarly to most engineers: he sold his soul to Lockheed Martin and Raytheon, developing next-generation missile technology. “I had ethics at one point, but man, does that paycheck change your mind.” Koobeck tells us.
Koobeck donated $420,696,969 towards upgrading the engineering department in the MAE building. However, he had conditions to be followed if his money was to be used. First, Koobeck requested April 20th to be the annual Dick B. Koobeck Day across campus to immortalize the amount of money he gave to the school. Second, Koobeck asked for every flag pole on campus to also fly the Lockheed Martin flag under the American flag. Finally, he wanted to rename the MAE building to the BRICC DICK, which is an abbreviation for Buying Rich Illuminati Corporate Cupidity and Disregarding Intelligent College Kids. “I always thought the building looked like a giant brick dick. Now we can finally call it that without getting in trouble,” said engineering student Max Stench.
Koobeck came out with a public statement explaining that at least a quarter of the donation has to be given to the president and administration of the university. “Our glorious leaders of this university cannot survive on $500k salaries every year, so I give them this gift to help stay afloat.” Koobeck explained.
This new makeover of the BRICC DICK will help our students for decades to come. If it wasn’t for the military-industrial complex, our university would not be able to get the donations and funding needed to get the state-of-the-art equipment. With this newfound budget, our beloved university will be able to overcrowd the dorms every fall semester. “There is nothing like sweating profusely in satin lounge chairs; those old plastic lecture hall chairs were way too uncomfortable,” says aerospace engineering major Martha Boeing.
