Disclaimer: This article is a part of The Lewd, an annual satirical project put together by The Lode staff, typically published around finals week. The article is purely for comedic purposes, and the opinions presented in these articles do not reflect The Lode’s values.
Recent Renovations in the Academic Offices Building have released the Spanish flu and a variety of other diseases onto the Michigan Tech Campus.
In an interview with Christine Flood while wearing a N95 mask and a good deal of handwashing after, she stated that the Social Sciences Department has really good immune systems and can stand the disease for the most part. One of the graduate students has unfortunately fallen to a bad case of tuberculosis after the disease nested in their lungs.
When the College of Business was reached out for comment, no one was able to answer. There was still no comment after we went there in hazmat suits and poked all the bodies with sticks. Reportedly, the Social Sciences Department is in the process of taking over the rest of the AOB again while throwing all of the bodies into a pile out back.
Currently, Administration is debating between a comically big funeral pyre and tossing the corpses into the Portage. The Aerospace Enterprise is looking into acquiring the bodies to increase their rocket fuel supply. The mayor of Houghton, Robert “Bubba” McGowen, says he will turn a blind eye as long as they don’t make it “too obvious”.
Students are advised to steer clear of the AOB as long as the miasma persists. Some Electrical Engineers said “Nah, I’ll make it,” and haven’t been seen since. Their faces are expected to be seen next on the body pile.
